Why Smart, Strong People Stay in Unhealthy Relationships

By Julia — Counsellor, Trainer and Author of the book Game Over: Uncovering the Secrets of Unhealthy Relationship Behaviours and Manipulation (Out 10th July, Amazon £14.99)

One of the questions I hear most often in the counselling room is some version of this: I'm an intelligent person, why did I let this happen? Why can't I leave? It is often asked through tears, after years of building a life with someone who turned out to be very different from the person they met in the beginning. If you have ever asked yourself the same thing, this is for you.

There is a long-standing assumption that unhealthy or abusive relationships happen to a certain kind of person, someone less educated, perhaps, or less self-aware, or less able to stand up for themselves. It is one of the most damaging myths I encounter in my work. The people I sit with are often the opposite of that picture. They are professionals, leaders, carers, parents, therapists, creatives. Many of them spend their working lives helping other people set boundaries, while quietly struggling to apply the same understanding to their own relationship.

This is the question at the heart of why smart, strong people stay in unhealthy relationships far longer than they ever imagined they would.

Unhealthy Relationships Do Not Begin As Unhealthy

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